Tag Archives: Exhibitionism

Inside Out Person

inside…continued from Tuesday

When I was nineteen and in the middle of a major depressive episode that made me numb, restless and irritable for an entire summer, my therapist told me, you’re rather an inside out person, aren’t you? At the time I wasn’t quite able to grasp her meaning, and like many of her words, they’ve stuck in my head and evolved in meaning over time. She was good at her work. What she meant was that while I felt entirely disconnected from my feelings, it was readily apparent to others what they were. I was wearing my emotions on the outside, without experiencing them on the inside. I was an inside out person. Continue reading

Confusing Drama with Happiness

dramaI’m a big fan of the TV series Parks and Recreation, which I binge-watch on Netflix. It means I’m always a season behind, but it’s worth it to keep pressing “next episode” rather than waiting a week for a new show. In a recent (to me) episode, Nick Offerman’s character, Ron Swanson, a gruff, rugged man’s man remarked “do what you want with your life, but don’t confuse drama with happiness”. I’d seen the quote on Twitter, but it wasn’t until I saw it on the show that it impacted me. I thought, oh my god…that’s absolutely what I went through years of doing…no wonder I was so fucked up and unhappy. I consistently mistook the chemical rush of a drama-filled life, where I rushed from crisis to elation to crash to buzz and back again, with happiness. Yeesh. Continue reading

We Should Only Instagram Happy Things

Insta HappyThe title statement was said in jest over the Fourth of July weekend by an acquaintance, who was considering posting a picture of some legal documents she had just received in the mail. She brushed away the idea, but she was on to something. The influence of social media on mental health and interpersonal relationships seems to be coming up a lot in online articles and in conversation. Everyone’s happier than me. Everyone’s partner relationship is stronger. Everyone has more money than I do. No one else is struggling the way I am. Everyone else’s kids are easier to raise. Other people are successful at life, in ways I’m just not. Or so it appears. I have a few hundred friends on facebook, and I maintain regular phone, email or in person contact with a far smaller number. I know what’s beneath the glossy social media surface of their lives, and that the two don’t often match. They know the same about me. Why then, are we allowing ourselves to buy into the idea that we’re alone in our experience of life as less than wonderful, all the time? Continue reading

Askholes

Askholes

I discovered this fantastic word (concept, really) on some recent meme. It was defined as a person who asks for advice and then goes out and does the exact opposite of what you say. I’m going to add to that definition a person who asks for your advice, then refutes each of your points and does nothing. They are both forms of what we used to call “energy vampires” back in my beauty industry days. Those customers who would spend an hour talking your ear off about their needs, then shoot down every suggestion and criticize every brush stroke. They latched on and demanded full attention, sucking out every last drop with their TMIs, rapid-fire questions, and talking-over. By the time they left, you were a husk lying on the floor, dried out and crunched underfoot. I know I’ve been an askhole, so unsure of myself that every little conflict or discomfort required hours of analysis and counsel with anyone who would listen. Askholes are entirely insecure, with little to no self-awareness or impulse control and a high level of need. Or at least that’s how I was. Continue reading