Category Archives: Single

The Interview Series: Preparations For The Divorce Party

IMG_20150220_170714He offered to be interviewed when I put out the call for volunteers, and I knew immediately I wanted to hear about his experience of divorce, Initially I had wanted the series to be all about different peoples’ experience of sex–what they learned growing up, what constituted sex ed at at home/school, first experiences, overall attitudes. But with him I remembered getting a facebook invite to a party that was part farewell to a marriage, part estate sale. At the time I thought him and his soon to be ex-wife incredibly respectful toward each other and thus felt intrigued by his seeming drama-free divorce. He had “a lot of angles and spins on divorce in his head” which I found him quite open to discussing, as I sat in my car outside work, furiously scribbling notes while he spoke into the phone.

A man in his mid-forties, he had been in the marriage for ten years, divorced now for three. I told him about my impression of his “divorce party” to which he replied, “I’m sure we seemed very evolved. In reality it took a lot of drama for us to get there. Once we had decided we weren’t healthy for each other, if we ever had been, it was easier to be civil.” Continue reading

Misconceptions About A Mormon

mormonWhenever I tell people I’m Mormon, I wait for the inevitable response. I wait for a misconception, an allusion to Mitt Romney, a comment about underwear and/or polygamy or an insinuation to the absolute undeniable fact that I must be anti-gay.

You know what I say to all of that? That’s okay that you think those things now. Why don’t we get to know each other? Let’s chat. Let’s talk through what you’ve heard and clear up some things. Also, do you want to know how I became a Mormon? Continue reading

The Interview Series: Reflections Of A Woman At 40

IMG_20150220_170714“Being forty, I wish I was living a life people envied. I’m not there and truly wish I was,” she began, as we settled into her living room couch to talk about her life in the first year of a new decade. She seemed to be alluding to her circumstances, the freedom that comes with being unmarried and childless. She cited Jennifer Lopez, a woman in her forties who is in fabulous shape, arguably looking better than ever, single and holding on to fame. “When I hit forty, I gained weight. It was like my womanly curves hit at forty.” She described a whole new crop of stress and change she’s begun to experience ever since her birthday–finding work and relationships draining, she naps (and she’s always hated naps); she’s at her highest weight with no motivation to make changes; she experienced her first bout of seasonal depression this winter; everything seems more expensive, creating barriers to the life she wants. And what life might that be? Continue reading

Overheard On Top Of Camelback Mountain

cfiles27764I went hiking for the first time since I was twelve years old with two friends a couple weekends ago. My dad, the avid outdoorsman used to coerce me into hiking and camping (by offering carefully meted out sweets, which were usually forbidden in our house) from the time I was a young child, which I resented as I transitioned into a makeup loving, phone-glued-to-my-ear preteen. I’m an indoor girl, and that’s just how it is. My dad eventually let it go, and I promised myself I’d never hike again as an adult.

And there I was, humping it up Camelback because a dear friend had asked me to for her birthday–ten months earlier. With each heave and grab and stretch forward up the mountain, I thought about how worth it the strain would be–a 360 view of the Valley. Yet when I reached the top, something even better was presented in the form of three twenty-something women having a conversation about creepersContinue reading

What’s the Best Part of Being Single?

SingleI posed this question to my facebook friends the other day, asking folks to answer with the first thing that came to mind. I gave them the option of responding via message, because you know some people are private (I’ll let Kate H. expound upon THAT subject later). It took fifteen minutes for the first comment to come in, and for an exhilarating moment I thought, oh my god, no one is going to respond, and that will make for a hell of a post. But then people started chiming in, both publicly and privately. The common thread seemed to be about freedom. Sure, there were variations on the theme, but almost every comment, in some way had to do with taking liberties without consultation.

If freedom (commonly branded as selfishness) is so good, why are people giving it up? Continue reading

Having Kids is Not the Be All & End All of My Adult Life

Having Kids is NotOne of my very close friends has four kids. We work together, and we hang out together outside of work, but at the end of the day, I go home, and she goes home to four kids. Often she will tell me tales of her children’s escapades and I either think or voice the understanding she has an entire life full of responsibilities that I honestly know nothing about.

And I’m totally okay with that. Continue reading